Rockin' It With the Rookies

A few years back (has it really been that long?) I met the fabulous ladies affectionately called the Rookie Moms. Not only are they wonderful people, but they are behind a great site that offers the most clever and quip ideas for new moms ever compiled into one delightful website and corresponding blog. It’s no surprise that somebody snapped up the idea for a book.

Enter the totally adorable, very helpful and ever entertaining book for new moms, The Rookie Moms Handbook!

I have read through many of the ingenious (and humorous) activities offered on the Rookie Moms site but when I sat down with the book, I was delighted once again by these rich little mommy gems. My favorites being some of the photo projects they suggest, of course.

Take activity #236 which suggests documenting your child’s latest obsession via photos or video. You know, like eating oatmeal every single night before bed. Or is that just my kid?

Or #227 which encourages you to remember photographing babies objects of affection. Since I’ve got one bunny lover and one blankie baby, this one is near and dear to my heart. The Rookie Moms even go as far as to offer effective ways to tackle the photo challenge depending on your personality type; the sentimental or the artsy mom, the absurdist or the bad girl. Funny stuff! I am sooooo going to do some of these (and I am far from a Rookie Mom anymore).

The Rookie Mom Handbook is the perfect book for any new mom (hello baby shower gift). It’s a quick read with fantastic and funny activities to make the early years of motherhood meaningful and that much more enjoyable. And it’s written by two cool moms who have been there before and are doing it all over again.

Way to go Rookie Moms! You rock. All the cool moms think so.

Tapping Into the Source

Whenever I talk with a new mom I always offer the same advice; find support. Immediately. Although Motherhood is Universal, it can be unbearably isolating which is nothing you can fathom until you're in it and you convince yourself that you are the only one on this planet who has ever been up at 3 am with a inconsolable baby. I remember thoughts racing through my delirious mind about falling asleep standing up, being sure my friends with children never had it as hard as I did and wondering how it was I felt so alone. Sigh.

The only thing that got me through the first few months (OK, years) of Motherhood was my connection to my mommy friends. And even more specifically, the mommy friends that had children the same age as mine. Those kind of friends are essential to surviving. Sounds simple but it's not. At all. Unless you're one of the lucky few who's BFF had a baby at the same time as you did--green with envy--finding another mother who is in the trenches with you can sometimes seem impossible. Especially when you can barely button your blouse long enough to meet to mailman at the door. Since you're not getting out much in those first few months the Internet comes in mighty handy. No matter what time of day or night, no matter what subject you are struggling with, no matter if you've showered in the past week, there are community websites for parents at your fingertips. Bless you Internet.



One new site that caters to moms and is open 24/7 is called Mamasource. Because MotherTalk is on the blog tour train again, I hopped aboard as I so often do, this time because my little sister is due with her first baby in August and I thought it's be cool to test out the mom-community website waters for her. I know what to look for, what is helpful, what you need and what you don't and because I know how badly she's going to need support and connectedness, I want to get her all set up. Don't mean to scare you sissy but, um...it can be scary.

Back to Mamasource. From the get go you can pop over and look for answers to questions on a variety of topics that you'll really need as a new mom (from baby's health, to your health, etc). But, what I think is really nice about this site is that you won't outgrow it because as your parenting needs/questions/concerns change and grow, so do the resources found at Mamasource. Once you're out of newborn hell (sorry, does that offend anyone?) you've got solid foods to talk about, and then potty training, oh goodness, then preschools, activities, sports, orthodontists, college...OK, maybe not college, but you get the picture. Mamasource not only offers the request and response approach (where you ask a question and you get some answers) but they offer a whole other dimension of stuff that's local to you (stores, restaurants, parks, doctors, etc). As in, what gems can be found in your own neighborhood. That's sweet. And it means that you find other moms in your community (not half way across the country) that will tell you where to take your baby to get their first hair cut, or what swim school worked for them, or where to get the best cup of coffee. Coffee? I'm giddy just thinking about it.

For moms that really want to tap into a fantastic resource and actually get the chance to communicate with other moms in their area (yes, you can even plan to meet for that awesome cup of coffee) Mamasource is a perfect place to frequent and as the site's community grows, it's only going to get better.

Hear that little sister? You might not get any sleep come August, but at least you'll be connected.

Fearless Friday

Fear is one of those topics that stirs up all sorts of emotions in people. I personally, have a love-hate relationship with Fear but have learned to revere its power to stop even the bravest of us dead in our tracks. We’ve all been paralyzed by Fear sometime in our lives and although it’s a universal experience, there is really no way to compare our Fear to that of another. Not unlike grief, we all have to process our fears in our own way; choose to face them or not, choose to run away or walk on. And although here is no such thing as the absence of it, there are some instances where we act boldly in it’s presence.

In a perfect world, I would just ignore Fear and forge through the fires of life, coming out the other side better for it. It’s a valiant effort and yet, I have found myself afraid of things as predicatable as beginning something new, leaving something behind, following my heart, saying no, saying yes, and of taking even the tiniest of risks. I have found myself debilitated by Fear; unable to make a decision, call the shots, or take the leap. I have given myself too much time to think and have let the voices of doubt drown out the whisperings of my heart. I have even surrendered to my fret and worry and have let Fear keep me from the things I desire. So, how can I expect to ignore something that has become commonplace in my life? I can’t. But I can carry on despite the Fear and do my darnedest to walk, step by step. Some steps bold and others not so bold but they are steps, none the less.

One might think that if we let the little things scare us, the big things would be that much more devastating. But, the truth is, when things have gotten really, truly and terrible scary, I have acted with more fearlessness than I ever could have imagined possible. In fact, I have become the most fierce when I have felt the most intense Fear. It has happens when my children’s well being is at risk or when something I deeply care about is threatened or attacked. I believe it’s a superhuman ability that can overtake us when we are triggered. We’ve seen it when an otherwise normal person lifts a car off of a loved one, when someone puts themselves in terrible danger because someone else needs their help, or when a mother sacrifices her own life for that of her children. It happens everyday. People do extraordinary things in the face of real Fear and it must seem to an observer that these people must be fearless. But, that’s impossible. It isn’t human nature to put ourselves in harms way. However, it is our nature to protect what matters and take care of what we love, at any cost.

I have seen an extraordinary, seemingly fearless woman in myself. I certainly don’t see her every day and I have no idea when she might reveal herself again but I know she’s there, lying idle within me. I know that in times of great Fear, she will appear as she has before, never failing me when I need her most. I don’t use her wisdom and as much as I could and have thought that perhaps I should invite her out more often; welcome her into my daily life, allow her to come play and help with the more minor decisions. It would probably help matters. But for now, I just nod and say “Namaste” to my Fearless Self. She’s impenetrable, focused, determined, clear headed, and impossibly strong.

It was a warm summer morning and my husband, 18 month old daughter and I were on our way to the beach. Radio on, windows down and the scent of sunscreen spoke of our perfectly planned day at the beach. But within minutes of being on the road, my daughter almost lost consciousness. My husband spotted her in the rear view mirror and raised his voice to me, “Something’s wrong! What’s wrong with the baby?” In one moment everything had changed. My husband raced off the freeway and the whole way to the emergency room I was beckoning my daughter to stay awake and as her head bobbed, barely able to speak, she kept whimpering, “Mama? Mama?” in her tender baby voice. As I sat in the backseat with her, the extraordinary woman came for me. She remained calm and steady, when I was at my breaking point. I felt for a few moments that I might lose my daughter.

It was a “freak accident” that a small piece of rust lodged itself into my daughter’s eye and it had sent her body into shock. She became lucid once we got to the hospital and the urgency and gravity of the situation let up a little. If wasn’t a matter of life or death but there was still reason for worry. After hours and hours of waiting, and talking to specialists and finally going through the removal process of the foreign object while my baby was strapped down to a board and a dental drill was used to extract the rust, I continued to be a vision of fearlessness. I stayed strong, focused and vigilant in my efforts to be sure my daughter was taken care of. It was my intention to keep my baby as calm as possible so the doctor could remove the fleck without surgery or doing harm to her eye. He had commented to me that my ability to keep her settled and relaxed was what we had going for us. When the nurse attempted to escort me out of the hospital room for the procedure, I made eye contact with the doctor and he commanded “Let her stay. This one is a good one.” Indeed, she was the best one. She was my Fearless Self. And she stayed with me for the remainder of that long day and into the night when I finally put my precious girl to sleep (thankfully in her own bed and not at the hospital). It was only then did my stoic Fearless Self let go as I fell into my husbands arms and wept.

Although my daughter came out of that situation unscarred, those hours left an indelible mark on me. Reflecting on the events of that day and other instances equally as intense in my life, I know now that it wasn’t my fearlessness that overtook me, it was my Fear. It proves that when Fear is that palpable, existing in every fiber of our being, we can become superhuman to overcome it. I think that is amazing and if I dare say it, fearless.

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It's Fearless Friday at MotherTalk. If you haven't already, I urge you to go read what other women had to say on the subject. It's awe inspiring.

When Mothers Talk

The Mother Talk Salon I hosted the other night was beyond fabulous, just as I had known it would be. I'm not sure you can go wrong when you bring a group of vibrant women together (namely mothers) and throw in some good eats (appetizers and such a la myself and my daughter the sous chef) and drinks (as in alcoholic) and a cozy living room (aaah, I love when my living room is full of friends). I mean, seriously, it was like a little bit of heaven.

I remember the first email I sent Miriam and Andi (the amazing women behind Mother Talk) as a desperate plea to get a Salon planned in LA. Little did I know that I would be lucky enough to have not only host one in my own home, but to have not one, but two incredible authors to lead the evening of compelling conversation. Everyone that was here truly enjoyed themselves. I know it to be true because since the event on Saturday night, I have been fielding phone calls and emails from grateful moms who keep reiterating heartfelt sentiments about how stimulating it was to get together and talk about the Universal State of Motherhood...good, bad, and otherwise.

The evening began with snacking (thank you Isabel at Alpha Mom for being kind enough to sponsor the event for us) and casual introductions that led to us gathering around as Brett Paesel began to read a piece called from the delightfully witty Mommies Who Drink during which on more than one occasion, had the whole room laughing out loud. When Brett was through, and before she could even answer the questions we were all dying to know like, what led her to write the book, how did she get the deal, and what was her life like before children (you know the important stuff), the whole room was engaging in conversation which I think could have gone on for days.

But, alas, it was time for Erika Schickel to share something from her refreshingly poignant and clever book You're Not the Boss of Me. Although apparently she had planned on reading a different piece, the dynamic of the group led her to recite the last story of the book called Sisters. A tapestry of words, rich in color and texture that brilliantly stitched together her daily observations of her own daughters with reflections of her own upbringing and memories of life with her sisters. For those of you who know me, my daughters and my whole family of women, you can imagine how much a story like hers hit home. Waaah. This then began round two of mom talk and as our thoughts swirled and we spoke our minds the time passed far too quickly. It was a perfect evening.

Would I host another Mother Talk Salon? You bet I would. And something tells me it's just a matter of time.

Consider Yourself...

informed, invited and tagged.

Carry on.

Babyproofing Your Marriage Blog Book Tour

I first heard about the new book Babyproofing Your Marriage from Kristen. Apparently, she got an unannounced copy of the book in the mail and figured she had been targeted as someone who really needed some help in the marriage department. Let’s just say she is always very candid about the ups and downs of her relationship with her husband at Motherhood Uncensored. About a week later, I got the book in the mail and thought, “Now wait a minute, I don’t talk about my marriage on my blog. Why did I get the book?” and immediately hid it in the closet for fear that my husband would think I was seeking help to improve our marriage, God forbid. Yes, I was worried about what he might think seeing marital book on the nightstand, as ridiculous as that might sound. And then, Mother Talk asked if I wanted to review the book. Oh boy.

I was on the fence about even reading it because my husband and I are no longer in the “baby phase” of life anymore so I figured it wasn’t applicable. That was, until I starting reading the thing. And then I was like, “DANG! This is one hell of an important book!” and have not been able to put it down.

So, what exactly are the three very sage mothers (Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill, and Julia Stone) behind this Babyproofing book on to? What do they know that we don’t? Well, it’s not so much what they know, it’s that they had the gumption to really look at it for what it is; a universal marital dilemma and they tackled it head (and heart) on. Bravo ladies!

But, what’s the point of reading about something we are living? If we are already well aware that our lives as we knew them have unraveled since we’ve had kids and our marriages are well, a mere shadow of what they used to be? How about for validation? It’s absolutely imperative for us to recognize that what is discussed in this book are not “just our own marriage” issues. In fact, every couple that has kids goes through this stuff in one form or another and for the most part, argues about the exact same things. I swear, as I was reading the many spot on quotes included in the book feeling like I was reading exact conversations my husband and I have had over the course of the past 9 years, since our fist daughter was born. Word for word. I’m serious. And even now, as my kids are 3 and 9, we still drag these same gripes around with us day after day. Sure, life has gotten a easier with a little more sleep (now that our babies are no longer babies) and a few good parenting years under our belts but even still, the fundamental beefs we have had with one another since we had the babies, are still pretty much the same today, and thankfully are exactly what are dissected in this book.

Babyproofing Your Marriage tackles all the issues; the myth of the highly sought after, pretty much unattainable ‘equal partnership’ marriage, sex (and the lack thereof) and everything that goes along with that (which is, um, a lot), and the rest of the brutal truth about what having a children really does to your relationship. And believe you me, it’s not always pretty.

But above and beyond validation, the book gives you hope. I mean, once it’s all broken down, it’s not all that difficult really (if we can pry our resentments from our weathered and weary parent paws). The key is to for once, really start to recognize what our partners are going through. Sure, we moms might feel beaten down and taken for granted but so do our spouses. Both of us are feeling the exact same way (light bulbs going off?) with just a few variations as to 'the what and the whys’ (like hard wiring for example). This book takes it all apart and lays it out in the language that all parents can grasp and then starts to rebuild it as we begin to let ourselves feel the other person’s pain. It’s the first big step and this empathy alone can begin the shift toward a better relationship. Hooray!

What I think is the most refreshing part of the book is that both parties are equally represented. And this is why it is so important for our husbands to read the book (this issue noted in my conclusion). They'll be ecstatic to know they are in no way getting all the blame in this book. For as much as their manly tendencies are exposed (and sometimes constructively criticized), so are our pity parties (we all have them), constant comparisons -aka score keeping (‘I do 10 things to every one thing he does’), and over-protective, gate keeping attitudes (‘surely you aren’t taking the baby out dressed in that’) of which we have all been guilty. In Babyproofing both us moms and the dads are called to the table, held accountable for the mess our marriages are in, and everyone is offered very valuable help and very doable methods that can be used to improve our relationships tremendously. For God sakes, there are even mock scripts we can use if we flounder and lists of ways to make the opposite sex feel appreciated. Hello. Easy peasy. And the added bonus is that although these can be some heavy issues, the tone of the book is light, the writers are funny, and the language is appropriate. Like the F word. Tossing that one in at the right moment gave me the feeling that I’m among friends, having this discussion in my living room, with other normal parents, that are earnest because they too struggle with the same crap in their own marriages. It’s refreshing and enjoyable reading.

And if for some reason you are still even thinking for one single minute that you don’t need to read this book, I urge you to think again. However, be warned, this book is clearly written to both halves of the whole here. Which means, and I reiterate here, when you do get the book and read it, there is this one hurdle that might prove a difficult leap—getting your husband to read it too. I know first hand that that is waaaay easier said than done as I have yet to get a “yes dear, I will read the book” from my man but I won’t give up trying and hope you won’t either.



For more info on Babyproofing Your Marriage - How to Laugh More, Argue Less, and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill, and Julia Stone visit the website.


Catch the authors live on The Today Show on NBC...today.