Another Year

Happy Birthday to me I guess, huh?

And wow, what a tribute I got.

After a birthday like this one, I feel so loved.
Sigh.

The Beautiful Build Up

Who knew that a photograph like this could spark a post like this? I guess it's been building up. You know, that my girls are growing up before my eyes. That Julia will be in the FOURTH grade (huh?) and Iris will begin preschool, FIVE DAYS A WEEK. Yes, I am thrilled. Finally time to myself. It's what I have been asking for. But that doesn't mean I'm not sad too.

If you want to know how I really feel about it all, check out what emotions blindsided me today when I was posting at Picture This. And grab a tissue.

Re-re-cap

I have so much to say about my weekend at BlogHer. But quite honestly, I'm getting weary of the topic. As I am absolutely positive, without a doubt, sure everyone else is too. I have thoughts and ideas and WORDS to articulate my experience but lack the energy to write them down. Terrible, I know.

Until I can get up my strength (IF I ever do), I'll just have to carry on as usual leaving you with only images. And believe it or not, I actually posted them on Flickr despite my resistance. Those of you who know me, know I'm not the biggest fan of the Flickr. Don't ask why, because, I don't know. The only thing that comes to mind is that it doesn't speak to me. That's all I got. BUT, since there's not much of an option, and I'm too tapped out to come up with something else, I put them there in a "set" called, what else, BlogHer '06. Clever, aren't I? Sheesh, I am tired.

BlogHer Recap?

Who needs words when you have an image like this?

After a weekend spent surrounded by women like a Superhero (left) and Marathon Mom (right) I'm not sure words could possibly do it justice. Besides how can I formulate any thoughts when my head is still spinning? And even if it weren't, my brain went to mush right about the time we started taking shots for Rachel's 30th birthday (That's the birthday girl on the right. Bottoms up)!

Oh boy. Do I need to say I had the time of my life?? It was indeed a weekend I'll never forget. More details and pictures to come, I promise, so stay tuned.

Incriminating photo taken by the lovely Mommy Needs a Cocktail. What could be more perfect? Oh, and the one of Charlie's Angels? That was by Grace's husband. Thanks guys.

Well, it's finally here. Tomorrow I jet set off to BlogHer and I swear to God, it's all I've talked about since I was afforded my E ticket a la the fabulous people at Minti.

Mom 101 wrote a hilarious and spot-on post about it. And so did Motherhood Uncensored among hoards others I'm sure. I haven't had a minute to catch my breath so I won't be writing much about it tonight. I haven't even packed for goodness sakes. FREAK OUT! But if you're going or you're not, the posts above are funny funny funny.

And, while I'm away I'd love it if you'd consider submitting one of your posts about motherhood (any interpretation of the word) to the Mom Blogger's Carnival. Since I'm in party mode, let's 'Carnival' together, shall we?? Drinks all around! And beads?? Sure beads for everyone. The scoop can be found at Jennifer's blog Joyride Through Insanity (which is like one of my most favorite kick-ass, how to get it done as a business woman and a mother blog-and yes, Jennifer makes it look easy)!

Email me at maypapers@yahoo.com with the link to YOUR post BY JULY 30th please and on August 1st over at Picture This I'll be hosting the Carnival post! Don't be shy. Send something you're proud of. And/or pictures, you can send pictures! That's allowed ya know...to be proud of a post you wrote and pictures you took. Yes, it is. Don't argue with me.

Alright then, catch you on the flip side peeps. San Jose or bust. I mean San Jose and bust. Lots and lots of them, I'm sure. And you know I'll have a camera.

Warm and Fuzzy

Here's the warm:
I am super-excited to announce the launch of the new and improved warmtone.com.

There's supposed to be a picture right here but blogger is giving me a rash, and won't let me insert one. Damn you Blogger. Damn you.

And now for the fuzzy:
I am all a tingle for my dear friend Sue as she's got a fantastic story published at Imperfect Parent. Any parent site with the tagline "release your inner screwup" is good by me. I hope you will stop over and read what she's got. It is a piece near and dear to my heart. Boy, can I relate! Anyone else feel her pain?

OK, so Blogger won't even give me the spell-check today! Arg! The humanity. I see typepad in my future.

Yes, I'm doing it again.

Here's a little something of late that you might enjoy (especially if you have daughters)

The other night as I tucked my 8-year-old daughter into bed, I was stroking her back, as I do every night and was looking around her room. It was dimly lit by the hall light, but I could see just enough to remind me of what an incredibly strong, smart, and confident girl my husband and I are raising...

I said I was doing it again. If you want to read this piece in it's entirety it's right here.

Seriously, I'm not just doing this for kicks but out of necessity. I'm finding it impossible for me to be everywhere at once, damn it, no matter how much I'd like to be. So this is the kind of thing you're probably going to have to get used to. My apologies.

And although I have no business being here today (because of other pressing commitments that I'm putting off to do this) I want to just elaborate on the Mom Blogging group I've started at Minti. ONLY because a few of you asked. I know everyone is sick of registering at sites to get the goods, blah, blah. I get it. And I wish I had some great "about it" thing I could use to describe it but, truth be told, I don't know. It's my own idea that I have come up with and it's in it's infancy. Like any baby, there's no telling what soul could emerge as it grows. So, it's still kind of a mystery. I can tell you what I hope it will be. I hope it will be a group where the caliber of women involved sets the bar for some insightful dialogue and sharing of thoughts, tips, advice, rantings, and encouraging stuff. That's all I got for ya. I can tell you that there are 20 pretty awesome Mom Bloggers that are on board and the talk has started. If you come, then you too can have a hand in making it amazing.

And please, don't get me started on my new Flickr photo pool that I've begun that will be accompanying my ClubMom blog Picture This. OK, yes, it's true. I am starting one. Damn it. I can't help myself. And although I am not a big fan of the Flickr, I see what fun it could be in a group setting where we can share photos using the topics from Picture This. So, what do you say, you gonna click over and check that out too???????????????? It's called "Try to Picture This". I soooo know you're curious.

What I Consider Cool

My new Mom Bloggers group at Minti
This is a group I hope all of you moms with blogs decide to join. It's a private forum of sorts where we can talk motherhood, blogging, careers, creativity, and anything else we want. Why? Because it's ours...aaaall ours...to discuss whatever it is we want. Pick each others brains, ask some question, get some answers, rant, rave, whatever. I'm excited about it and hope you come join the party. I think it's gonna be great! There's already some really great bloggers on board-
Friday Playdate, One Smarmy Mama, and the Rookie Moms to name a few. Come on over. You'll have to shoot me an email a la my Minti Mail with your name and blog info and then I'll add you to the list! We'll be talking some serious mom blog shop.

Moving Pictures
Hooray, my baby sister started blogging! Well, OK, she's not really a baby and she'll hate that I called her that but it's my blog and I can say whatever I want. Anyway, go say hello and share some virtual love as she begins her adventures in blogging.

Pamela Kruger
The Novemeber 2005 issue of Child was an incredibly poignant "Work and Family" special edition. I remember many of the articles vividly and went on a quest to get every woman to read them. I was lending my copy out, sharing what I learned, and pretty much freaking out at what I considered to be a very enlightening issue. My favorite article was called "Working at Home-Reality Vs. Myth" by Pamela Kruger. The title alone makes me drool. And then, it hit me so hard I was moved to tears. And it's not even a sad article! It just was exactly what I needed te read, when I needed to read it.
Fast forward to the August 2006 issue of Child. Pamela offered yet another wonderful story that pretty much hit the Tracey nail on the head. Again. So, I shot her off an email to tell her how wonderful she is and guess what I found? Her website and blog and past articles posted on her site. EUREKA! There it was, THE "Working at Home" article. Go read it. It's awesome.

Job Offer
Looks like the folks from Minti are hiring. Want a job working for the coolest Aussie's on the web? Check it out and go for it.

Blogher Conference
Only 20 days until the big conference. I get to meet Kristen, Liz, Andrea, some of the ClubMom Bloggers, my Minti friends, Her Bad Mother, Sweatpants Mom (please, someone tell me she's going!), the Red Stapler, the list of attendees goes on and on and I am just plain giddy. By the way, if you're still looking to go, keep checking out the Blogher site. I've seen tix coming up for sale now and again.


That seems sufficient for today's list of cool.
Am I missing anything??

Things Remembered

Julia and I had some time together tonight. Time alone, just she and I, which is rare anymore with a toddler in the house. It was about a half hour before bedtime and although I had piles of work to do and she was content playing a computer game, I asked her to steal away with me to the back yard for a bowl of ice cream. She jumped up and down, enthusiastically agreed, and bounded to the kitchen for the ice cream. The days have been really warm for the last few weeks but the evening temperatures drop quickly as the sea air creeps in, cool and moist. We were dressed in our day clothes, shorts and tees, so we grabbed our sweatshirts and our full bowls and ventured outside. I spied a blanket on the way out and took that too. We sat on the patio couch together and snuggled in........

Yes, there is more to this story...please click here to read the rest at Minti.

"I can be so tricky", she says rubbing her hands together in the most sinister way.
And throw me a bone and comment on it over there, would ya?? Pretty please?

It's that time again. This month I was so taken by a post at Left Handed Trees and Other Lies that I chose it for the June's Perfect Post Award at Suburban Turmoil.

The photograph that accompanied the post could have alone won it for me. But there's much more to it that that. I wrote a little something about it over at my ClubMom blog Picture This.

So go read C. Delia's heartbreakingly beautiful words at Left Handed Trees and then click over to Picture This to read about why it touched me so.

Thanks for participating in the gush-fest.

Are You MomReady?

Check out MomReady today. They've featured my books under their Hot Product category. God, it feels good to be "Hot".



And if you haven't signed up for their daily newletter, just do it. It's cool.

This post is for Mom-101. She said she tagged me for the 'stuff you hate meme' because I'm "so upbeat all the time". Is that supposed to be a complement?

So now, in true David Letterman fashion, I give you my top 10 list of the things I hate. And I don't even need an alter-ego to list them because even us upbeat people can hate stuff.

10. I hate it when my feet feel dirty.

9. I hate going to the dentist.

8. I hate it when I can't find matching socks.

7. I hate chewed gum-it's a phobia thing.

6. I hate having chapped lips.

5. I hate weak coffee.

4. I hate when I can't find my slippers, because I hate having cold feet.

3. I hate being late. Especially when it's for something important.

2. I H.A.T.E. when women are catty.

and the #1 thing that I hate is...drumroll please...

when I feel totally out of control of my 3-year-old. (symbol crash!)

Sorry you asked?
Now it's my turn.
I tag Kirsten, Nancy, and Janeen.

Wheels

So far this summer, Iris has mastered riding her tricycle. And yes, she's wearing snowflake pants in June. I know.



Luckily her super-skill has coincided with Julia's enthusiasm about her new beach cruiser. Yes, I know I shot directly into the sun. I know.



Besides getting some well-needed exercise, this can only mean one thing; walks around and around the neighborhood. A few times a day even, if you can imagine. I'm a big fan of the great outdoors. I just don't get out as often as I should. Until now. With the bikes, comes the need for adult supervision. I guess that means me.

Indeed, it does. And resistance is futile because I'm not good with whining and if I try to put the over-zealous little Lance Armstongs off, well, there's lots of it. I must succumb to the call of the wild. And if you're reading a little reluctance here, you're reading right. Which is really so ridiculous because it never fails that when we've come home after a summer saunter (that's what I do, I saunter, while the girls put their 'pedals' to the metal) I always feel refreshed, revived and ready to run back to my computer and blog about it.

I'm hopeless. I know.

**mama says om

How Do You Spell Schwag?

If you're asking me, I'd say M-I-N-T-I. But if you're asking my 8-year-old she'd spell it like this,
"schwag, S-C-H-W-A-G, schwag"
because she's the Third Grade Spelling B Champ!

Yes, folks, the accolades just keep coming. Last week, student of the month, this week, first place in the Spelling B. Pretty incredible!

And me?? Well, I'm just basking in the glow of her amazingness and sporting my new Minti Schwag. Insleeves even. Where's my lighter?

Yes, this is me and not a Cafe Press model although

I'm pretty sure this pose was inspired by one.


This is beginning to resemble a coat tails story. I'm riding my daughter's, as I am known around town now as Julia's Mom and doing the same with Minti a little bit too I guess. See, I've signed on as a Minti Ambassador (what tha?). A pretty cool title I guess, only second to a Bad-Ass-ador. I mean, I can capitalize it if I want, right?. There's something. Here's the sitch- I get to be involved with the super cool parenting community at Minti and offer advice (do I ever shut up?) and get awards for it...yes awards! Go check it out. I'm telling you it's the funnest thing. You become a member (takes like one second) and then you get to write advice, answer pleas for help,post goodies at your very own Minti blog, and they award you these really awesome virtual awards (medals and patches) kinda like a Girl (or Boy) Scout thing. It's pretty fun and as pathetic as it may sound, an ego boost. I obviously am still scarred from never being a Scout so this helps me fill the void of growing up patchless. Anyway, I'm all crazy-addicted and won't be satisfied until I collect ALL OF THE PATCHES. Yikes. Now, I'm scaring myself and my children and you. Anyway, I'm just going to help them spread the good Minti word, that's all. Because, I really don't have enough on my plate these days so I figured, 'what the hey'?

So, as far as formalities, you can call me Mrs. Ambassador (Ambassador for short) or Julia's Mom. I'll answer to any of them.

It's Belly Time

Well, looky here. In keeping in step with my labor and delivery reflections, Stacy at Frankly Pregnant posted "Tracey's Belly Shot". A whole post dedicated to little (I mean BIG) ol' me. Well, Iris was in there too so I can't take all the credit. Three years and a few days ago, I looked like THIS. Talk about other worldly.

While you're there, browse around. She's got some great stuff on her site like, let's say, my books , on her list of top pregnancy picks (thanks Stacy!) and her book which you should buy immediately.

And hey, look who else is singing her praises!

Three Years Ago Today

I remember a new house, unpacked boxes, a newly painted nursery, and a hand me down crib.
I remember feeling overwhelmed.
I remember feeling big and uncomfortable.
I remember fear, loneliness, and isolation.
I remember having support and love, unconditional love.
I remember taking pictures and timing contractions at Julia's end-of-the-year Kindergarten party.
I remember resting on the couch, quite and calm, alone in my house while my family celebrated at a graduation party.
I remember knowing it was almost time.
I remember shuffling Julia off to her grandparents house knowing that the next time we would see her it would be to introduce her to her baby sister.
I remember it felt very surreal.
I remember feeling much older than I did five years prior when I had Julia.
I remember waiting in the hallway of the labor wing for over an hour before being checked in.
I remember it being strangely still and desolate in the hospital.
I remember the room where I labored and not feeling at home there.
I remember pain.
I remember using the bed rail to grab onto as I labored on my side.
I remember being angry and short-tempered.
I remember refusing an epidural.
I remember more pain.
I remember knowing when it was time to push.
I remember using my anger to my advantage in pushing.
I remember my determination was unlike any I had ever known.
I remember fear, anxiety, and exhaustion.
I remember being in so much pain after Iris was born that I couldn't even see her.
I remember the doctor cutting the cord without asking my husband, to his heartbreaking disappointment.
I remember seeing him with Iris as they weighed her and wrapped her.

I remember him holding her, talking to her, adoring her.
I remember whimpering and crying because of the intense and continual pain.
I remember my mother coming in and demanding someone to attend to me.

I remember me not understanding why I was still in pain.
I remember hearing the doctor comment I was full of blood clots and being scared.

I remember finally holding my tiny daughter with a knowing; a calmness and quiet, recognizing her somehow.
I remember being wheeled down the hall to my room, cradling her, not feeling like she was new to me, but as if I had held her before.
I remember sleeping in the hospital bed and waking to her stirring, confident in knowing what she needed from me and how to give it to her.
I remember nurses and pediatricians and lactation consultants.
I remember the congestion in her tiny nostrils that made her snort and snore.
I remember being a tireless mother despite my exhaustion.
I remember feeling drained, fatigued, weary, old, relieved, blessed, calm, and deeply in love with my daughter and although she was merely hours old, I remember feeling as if I had always known her.

Happy Third Birthday Iris.
I love you more than I can say.

In Honor of a Perfect Daughter

I picked Julia up after school today, as usual. I always park along the back side of the school and stand outside my car and wait. She comes out the double doors, disheveled pig-tails, sweater loosely tied around her thin waist, and is always sure to spot me before making the long walk across the blacktop and through the grass field. When we see one another from opposite ends of the playground, we wave big arm waves.

Trotting clumsily, sweaty and tired, she approaches me and passes off her heavy backpack almost before I can even reach it. I gladly take it from her and toss it in the front seat while she climbs into the back of our van. Today she kept the bag herself and commented, "I want to hold it today. I have something to show you." And after we're buckled in and I start the car, she hands me a large, fancy folder trimmed with gold guilding from the back seat. "Look," she said. I open it and read, "Third Grade Student of the Year" and in calligraphy, "Julia Clark". My heart leapt, and I gasped, "Julia Clark! Oh my gosh! WOW! I can't believe it. What an honor." She beamed, wearing her big, toothy 8-year-old grin, skin flushed pink with excitement and humbled confidence, "I know. Isn't it great?"

Great doesn't begin to describe it. And although I blurted out I couldn't believe it, the truth is I can. I most certainly can believe that my child was chosen to be celebrated. She is an incredibly bright, kind, thoughtful, creative, talented, hard-working, generous, determined, responsible, sincere, smart, gifted, amazing, and beautiful young girl. I am beyond proud of everything she is and all that she is becoming. I know that all of this is true because I am her mother. What delights me more is that today she was recognized by the world. Her world. I am overjoyed that she was given a moment to hear her name be read out loud in front of all of her friends and had an opportunity to feel so incredibly special without me. I am overwhelmed and so grateful. As a mother, nothing could be better.

Julia Clark is my daughter and today and always, I honor her.

In Honor of a Perfect Post

A while back I gushed about a post at La Vie En Rose. Well, the gushing isn't over yet. I haven't been able to get it out of my head. It's worthy of an award. Ah ha! How about Suburban Turmoil's Perfect Post Award? Done.

The experience of Motherhood has been so complex, so intense that for me, it's been beyond words. Sure, I talk about it, I write about it, but I've yet to feel like what I've expressed has truly communicated what it is I face and feel everyday as a woman, a mother, as, well, me. Michelle however, in this one perfectly penned letter says it all. More in fact. Every single word resonates crystal clear as a perfect account of motherhood as I have lived it everyday since my daughters were born. Beauty, Heartbreak, Joy, Ache.

Ache.

If you haven't read this post yet, I hope you will. And even if you have, I encourage you to read it again. And again.

Thank you sweet Michelle for sharing your letter to Britton.

And thanks to Lucinda and MommaK for offering us the forum of The Perfect Post Awards. It's fantastic.

Thinking of my Grandpa.

The Spirit of Receiving

I found out today that I have been the recipient of an incredible gift. I was given a ticket to BlogHer. Remember the generous people at Minti that were giving tickets away? Yep. They offered me one. I am elated and bursting with gratitude. I had a bit of help from two wonderful and kind bloggers and to them I am grateful as well.

Still buzzing from the excitement and truth be told, the shock I have been dreaming all day about the approaching July weekend in San Jose. Being surrounded by many of the amazing women I've come to adore in these few months of my blogging experience (see expanding blog roll), talking (FACE TO FACE), learning, and if all goes well, eating and drinking (moderation, moderation) sounds like the coolest possible way to spend a long weekend. I feel like a kid anticipating a trip to Disneyland. Oh, the glorious butterflies!!!

This morning my horoscope made mention of "a small windfall". As far as I'm concerned, I believe my ticket to BlogHer fits the bill in a BIG way.

Thank you Clay and everyone at Minti.
You've made me a very happy MommyBlogHer.

Beautiful Words

Besides going on and on about myself, my most favorite thing about blogging is the continual discovery of awe-inspiring women. As I travel my path along the Super Highway (yes, I do believe, dare I say it, there can be magic and mystery found on the Internet), I am inspired, challenged, tickled, and awakened by people I've never met and somehow through shared experiences and the desire to express oneself and be heard, I feel overwhelmingly and gratefully connected to them.

I can think of nothing better than to stumble across words, photographs, feelings that perfectly articulate something that's lived in my heart and maybe even wanted to convey but have lacked either the clarity or energy to do so. Yesterday amidst my clicking, I read a few gorgeous posts from a woman, a mother, a beautiful soul that offers the most heartbreakingly beautiful thoughts and images on her blog La Vie En Rose.

When I got to the post called Ache I swear, I felt as if my soul had been painstakingly yet tenderly exposed. The post, both an answer to the Mama Says Om theme from last week, and a letter to her child, said things I only wish I could say to my daughters. It's a must read for all Moms. I'm thinking I might ask her if I can print up two copies and then sign my name to each of them and slip them into my kids baby books. Just kidding. Well, maybe only a little kidding.

Check out Michelle's sweet life and be inspired.


And for a sweet pic of me and the girls, clicky right here.

DUUUUUUUUUUUH

It has been brought to my attention (thank you little sister) that ever since my "big ClubMom blog launch" (which wasn't big in the least) I have offered a defunct link to the site over yonder in my sidebar. DRAT!

Well, I've fixed that glitch and now no one has an excuse not to stop over and say 'Hi'. At least once. Actually twice. Because I'm reeeeally hoping to get a little REdesign help with my blog masthead over there. I'm not liking it much at all. So, when I get it all spruced up, I'm going to beg you to go back. I'm so not past begging to get you over there. Get used to it.

Ooo ooo, and there's a really fun blog I discovered recently too that I want to share with you. BUT, I'm making you travel to get the link. I am soooo not past manipulation to get you over to my new blog either. Get used to that too.

And if the mystery link doesn't entice you, well, then I'm gonna give up some links here to a few of my favorite ClubMom blog posts thus far. Then, if you read them you'll spot "Picture This" in the sidebar and take pity on me.

Diary of a Playgroup Dropout, Purple is a Fruit, Diary of a Single Mom, & The Gimlet Eye.

Go on now, clicky clicky.

The Spirit of Giving

Many of you know about the big annual blogging conference coming up called BlogHer. Heck, a big ol' bunch of you are going. I thought about going, OK, I agonized over it. There was a buzz around it when I fist began blogging a few months back and my original thought was, "How FUN would that be? But how silly of me to go to something like that as such a newbie. I dismissed it for the reason of mere Mother-Martyrdom. But a martyr only to myself. See, I have this tape that plays over and over again in my mind, "You can't afford that Tracey. You can't expect to just fly off and spend the weekend doing something fun. You don't deserve it. You're not a real blogger." The dialogue goes on and on. YAWN.

Well, recently I have become aware of some incredible people doing some really generous things. I'm talking about the GIVING of the BlogHer Tickets. First, I came across Sue of Red Stapler who held a contest to give a ticket away. My inner dialogue began to shift. I got all giddy..."maybe I am worthy, maybe the fates will allow me to go by winning this contest, maybe I am a real enough blogger, maybe, maybe..." Hope, confidence, and excitement crept in and I was feeling great. But I didn't win the contest. IzzyMom did. And if anyone deserves to be the recipient of a random act of kindness it's Izzy. And what does she do? Turns right around and GIVES it to someone else. Someone who needed it and is grateful and I'm really happy for her. How can I not be?? So, instead of being disappointed, I am inspired. So much generosity...it's refreshing and uplifting to say the least. Winner or not, Sue's contest gave me just what I needed. A little lift, a change of heart, the glimmer of hope that wonderful things happen all the time and it's through giving that they do and above all that I am worthy and deserving of whatever my heart desires.

And now, I present you Clay Cook from Minti. He has TWO tickets he's giving away for the conference. The kindness-can you take the kindness? At the news, my heart leapt. Another chance! So I sent in my paragraph about why he should choose me and am eagerly waiting word. And, get this one, I wasn't going to blog about it because well, I wanted to win and I didn't want to share. But, that just doesn't feel right. It feels really crappy. So, I've had another shift of the change-of-heart kind. See what all this generosity is doing to me??? It's making me a better person all around. I love when that happens. SO, I am encouraging you to check out Clay's post at Minti about the give-away and try it for yourself, if you're so inclined. Minti is a super-cool site for parents anyway, so be sure to stop by.

Who knows, maybe I'll see you at Blogher, one way or another. And if not, I know there will be a gazillion incredible bloggers that will post about it!

Good luck. And I really do mean it!

The Luv

There has been so much Love swirling around the MommyBlogoshere, it's been awe-inspiring. Her Bad Mother and IzzyMom have written up shout-outs to tons and tons of incredible bloggers in easy to click lists so that we all can partake in the linkathon. I swear, it's like hitting the MotherBloggin' MotherLoad.

As I was basking in the afterglow of the Mother's Day posts, mouse in one hand, tissue in the other (and that's no lie, I can be so emotional) I came across a touching commentary of Mama's Day at The Wallpaper of My Mind. Ladies, there is an angel among us and I do believe her name is Misha. I implore you to go read her post. I promise you'll leave with goosebumps and a little perspective on the wonder of Motherhood. If you're not convinced by that post alone, just mill through her archives.

Somebody give that girl a halo.

Are You Gonna Blog About This?

Hub- "Have you posted your first blog entry for your new thing?"

Me- "I have."

Hub- "Did you write about how I rock your world?"

Me- "Uuuuum, no. But if you'd like me to, I will."

Hub- Laughs, blushes, and walks out of the room.

It Has Begun

I've posted my very first offering at my new ClubMom blog, Picture This.
Come by and post a comment.

Please.

Pretty please.

Prettiest of pretty pleases.

OK, that's all the begging I'll do (for today anyway).

MamasDay

Inspired by HBM call to honor the Mothers, I offer my gratitude to a great many women in my life, both of the literal mother kind as well as those women that fit the bill in other ways. Mothering is about nurturing and guidance and loving unconditionally. And I know for certain that women don't have to be Mothers to fall into this category (as we were reminded in this post today). If I listed all the women I cherish in my life, we'd all be here for days so, since this is a blog, and those that will read this are mostly bloggers or blog-readers, I will make the list for those women. I only hope that in my daily life I show my appreciation for all the rest.

First on my list is my oldest friend claddyjack who although is not a Mother yet, will be an awesome one when it's time. In High School she gave me my first journal (she handmade it) which in turn changed my life. And for the last year has implored me to begin blogging. Alas, I finally dove in. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be here. She is an incredible woman; beautiful, funny, courageous, and inspiring. We have leaned on one another for many years and I love her dearly. Go say hello. She's got some great things to say.

Next, I celebrate one of my first MotherLifelines who was there for me daily (literally) as I navigated the treacherous MotherSeas for the first time, long before we had ever even heard the word 'blog'. Peet'sMom has saved my MotherAss on many occasions (I can only hope I've returned the favor) as we raised our babies together living mere steps between back doors. She's new on the blog scene (even newer than me) so go Love-Bomb her for me, would ya?

And now, the second time around, I've had the infamous Coffee Moms to depend on. None of which are bloggers (YET) but some of them read, I offer only words of thanks- although words could never e.v.e.r. express the love.

Today, in what I am considering a new chapter in my Motherhood story, I honor the MommyBloggers that have so generously accepted and befriended me. I somehow feel like I belong to a really special club (even if just in my own mind). I am sooo happy to be here. The woman of which I speak are on my blogroll (I will be adding some new gems I've found as well)and if there's anyone there you don't recognize, please visit and give them a big wet virtual kiss.

Lastly, to my real live Mommy who raised me in the best possible way so that I have been able to nurture my own daughters, guide them, and love them unconditionally like she did me.
I love you Mom.

I'd love you even more Mom if I could borrow those shades.

Saved

I was rescued by a superhero this morning. I was reminded of the beauty and joy that is life.

In an attempt to show my appreciation and admiration, I am using her post as a springboard into my own.

Zero Circle

Be helpless, dumbfounded

Unable to say yes or no.

Then a stretcher will come from grace to gather us up.

We are too dull-eyed to see that beauty.

If we say we can, we're lying.

If we say No, we don't see it, that No will behead us

And shut tight our window onto spirit.

So let us rather not be sure of anything,

Beside ourselves, and only that, so

Miraculous beings come running to help.

Crazed, lying in a zero circle, mute,

We shall be saying finally,

With tremendous eloquence, Lead us.

When we have totally surrendered to that beauty,

We shall be a mighty kindness.

-Rumi

Thank you Andrea for sharing that.

ShutterMom Comes Out of the BlogCloset

As some of you may have heard (from the Terrifying Blogging Overlord or other sources), ClubMom has gone blog. Well, not all blog but at least some blog and that's pretty great. At least I think so. And why is that? Well, I answered the call to be one of their Founding Bloggers and they went for it. Yes, what you read is true, I got a paying blog job. And to that I say "YAY!" and also "YIKES!" because I'm thinking what you're thinking, how the hell am I gonna come up with something everyday to write about. And if that alone doesn't put the fear of God in me, my daughter seems to have chosen this moment in time to give up napping which only means less time to attempt to write something of any value for TheClub. The pressure! Breathe, breathe. But, I'm really trying not to freak-out just yet. There's plenty of time to be fearful, tired, and up all night blogging. Right now I am giddy and nervous and eager to get the blogball rollin' and start my new adventure.

OK, so I got a job. But, what's it all about? Simply stated, I'm gonna get all up on my pedestal and talkatcha like I know what I'm talking about even more than I do now, and I'll be doing it from a new web address and have to follow a "theme" if you will. My home at TheClub will be labeled as "Photography and Art" I guess, which would make sense being that photography is my "thing" however, there's going to be more to it than that. My thoughts flap and fly amidst all-things-creative and it's my intention to write about anything and everything that floats my artistic boat. Photography? That's a given. Art? Sure. Crafts? Sometimes (I do have young children and I dig the crafts). Encouraging you (yes you) to write, document everything that moves (somethings that don't), and recognize the value of creating beautiful things for yourself and with your children? That's a yes, yes, and yes, in a big fat run-on sentence nutshell. There's lots of tid-bits I've got up my sleeve that I hope will get you over there to read my stuff, and if it all goes as planned, keep you reading. Time will tell.

So now you know what's on the horizon for me and hopefully for you. I hope you'll come on over to ClubMom and see what's cookin'. There's a bunch of really cool women who will be doin' it so there will be a ton of stuff to read. Amalah has already begun so be sure to read her "round up". Yeehaw!

Although my ClubBlog isn't officially launched yet (soon, very soon) you can register with ClubMom (it's freeeee) so you're poised and ready. Click on the big red square button down there on the right sidebar (see it down there?) and do your thing. Then, once you've registered, you can participate in the "Network"(or not). You'll find me there. I'm ShutterMom and I want to be your ClubFriend.

What thuuuuuh...?

Seems to me, every once in a while you just gotta question some of the details of everyday life. There's a crap-load of stuff we should be worrying about, but it's the day-to-day subliminal info racing by us at warp speed that just might be the biggest danger. There's some weeeeeird stuff going on and it's time to talk about it. I was inspired by the "WTF Wednesday" post by Her Bad Mother because sometimes there really is no way of knowing the gravity of what's going on "out there" and it's my thought that if we bring it to forefront, well then, maybe the blogoshere will serve a bigger purpose than just gathering the bloggingcultmamas together to prepare them to take over the world (although that's a pretty good big picture purpose and one that I'm behind, BTW).

I have a whole slew of stuff I've been collecting, politically incorrect kid's literature being my favorite, but today, I present to you graphic and very disturbing (drum roll please)-

Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and their "Special Edition Shapes".

Let me walk you through what's going on here. This dinosaur is juggling Kraft's new shapes which are, are you ready? The US and Dinosaurs. If this isn't a WTF situation I don't know what is. Although I was pretty stumped by the building block conspiracy, this one frightens me even more. My take? Something like "See George W. with his big head and small brain juggle the US and 'Godzilla the Terrorist' with a shit-eatin' grin on his face. Vote for him cuz he's gonna protect you from the bad-guys."

This got me thinking, maybe most of America didn't actually want him in office again, maybe it was the mac & cheese working it's Republican brainwashing magic?

Nah, that'd be letting the stupid Americans off the hook and I don't have the heart to do that.

Some Kind of Family...

One day last week (don't ask me which day because it's all a blur) I was desperately trying to distract Iris in attempts to ward-off an inevitable tantrum, so I kindly asked her if she wanted to watch Cinderella II when we got home. Before she could answer, my oldest daughter interjects, "Mom, she shouldn't be watching a video today, don't you know it's Turn Off Your TV Week?". Of course I knew because anti-TV posters were plastered all over the doctor's office walls and you know how many times we were there last week. My swift and steadfast reply, "Well, Julia, we aren't a Turn Off Your TV kind of family."

And if that's not something to be proud of, I don't know what is.

Some Kind of Mother

We spent yet another long, harrowing day at the doctor's office yesterday. Although Julia got the clean bill of health day before last, she nearly blacked-out on her class field trip. So, it was back to the waiting room. Petrified that something might really be wrong, I was feeling rather heightened, on top of being totally frazzled from week we've had around here. I wasn't the only one beginning to crack under the pressure. Iris was still feverish herself (being 3 days behind her sister with the virus), over-over-tired, cranky, and hungry. You're recognizing the potential in this ugly combination,I know you are.

As I sat there waiting, Julia quiet and peaked next to me, Iris was running circles around us, shrieking and whining and climbing and jumping around the germ infested sick ward barefoot (because she was insistent that her shoes were "bawvering" her and wouldn't let it go until I surrendered and let her take them off). I was on the verge of tears, head in my hands, at a breaking point. Suddenly, I had this overwhelming awareness that I was THE MOM that everyone was staring at. I was the mom that I used to stare at. Seriously, who lets their child run around a medical building barefoot? WHO? Certainly not me. At least not until I had Iris. So, there I was, being judged by the moms who held their sick babies close, who had shoes on their kids feet, whose children weren't yelling and whining and climbing and jumping. But worst of all, I was being judged my myself. What the hell kind of Mother have I become?

As I think on it now, I know what kind of mother I am, even when I'm at my worst and I'm embarrassed about my parenting choices. I'm the same mom I've been since my first daughter was born eight years ago;

one that will rock her babies to sleep at 3 months or 3 years,
one that nursed them despite the pain and pumped despite the inconvenience,
one that's unphased by poop, pee, spit up or throw up (no matter where it is)
one that never tires of art projects, tea parties, blocks, books, trains sets, dress up (and even when she does, she still does her best to play),
one that teaches her children to value and respect life because everyday is a gift,
one that loves her children more than life, even when things seem at their worst,
one that's willing to go to any length when her children need her,
and one that will sit for hours on end in the waiting room to be sure her daughter is OK.
That's the kind of mother I am.

And hopefully, I'm also the mother that is just a little more accepting of the moms who take their kids out with crazy, matted bed-head, with mismatched socks, and dirt on their face. Or the moms that have to leave their full shopping cart at the store because a tantrum forced them to, or those who get their kids junk food at the Target snack bar to buy themselves a little time to shop. I strive to be that kind of mother now. And, I hope I remember to offer a reassuring smile and nod to the mothers out there like me, who try everyday to do their best a maybe do it a little better than the day before with more tolerance, more patience, more love and more forgiveness.

If the Shoe Fits

Since I've begun to blog I have been tempted to share a million stories of Iris in all her "spirited" glory but have been a little afraid that if I begin to express my concern, frustration, up-in-armsness with her, I may not be able to stop. Or perhaps I may even perpetuate her behavior which is quite often, less than desirable by verbally labeling her as "difficult". Too late. Since she was a wee one we've come up with all sorts of nicknames that have, without a doubt put her in the "challenging child" category. Things like, "Cryris" or "Sybil" (she is a Gemini after all), "Pistol" or "Pill". Nice, huh? With each passing day she comes up with noteworthy, flat out negative ways of acting that are disconcerting sure, but also friggin' funny, when I can hang on to my sense of humor.

Yesterday, at the doctor's office we we're waiting for the results of Julia's chest X-ray (she's clear! no pneumonia!) during what ended up being over an hour visit. We were all ready to melt down so I pulled out my fine conversation skills and began to at least try to engage the girls in question/answer time. We we're pondering what we wanted to be when we grow up. For the sole reason that Iris seemed totally into Julia's check up ("Take myyyy temperature!", "Look in myyyy ears!", "Where's myyyy doctor?") she asked her,

"Iris, do you want to be a doctor when you grow up?"

Iris, "NO!"

Me, "Do you want to be a...photographer?"

Iris, "NO!

Me, "How about an artist?"

Iris, "NO!"

Me, "Well, what do you want to be?"

Iris, "A meanist!" (snarrrrrl)

OK then, it's settled, a Meanist it is. Can you get a degree in that?

The last few days have been strange and somber. Both girls have been sick (house-bound, no school, lethargic, high-fever sick) with what the doctors are still calling just a virus (we can only hope). And if that isn't tough enough, we had to put our lovely cat Pearl to sleep. Sad sad stuff. So, in honor of our three-legged, hyper-loud, sweet as anything, 16- year- old furry family member, I will post a pic. It's one of her enjoying the backyard of our old home when she was still well enough to spend her time doing just that.

The house has been really quiet without her ( she was VERY vocal) and we miss her terribly. Love to you, Pearly Girl.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Time is escaping me as always, but before my "gig" comes and goes I want to at least make mention of it. I am speaking at a "Mom's Morning Out" at Once Upon A Story THIS Wednesday from like 9:30-11am or so. I'll be chatting about stuff like documenting life with your children (journaling, photographs, keepsakes, etc.) and will use my books as a reference, of course. Although they are written for expectant and new moms, much of what I'll cover can easily transfer over into life with older children as well.

I would adore it if any of you local readers could come. You are out there, aren't you? Anyway, it's a lovely children's bookstore, chock-full of cool stuff and I'm looking forward to spending the morning there. Kids are welcome but it's YOUR time so if you want to come solo or with a friend, go for it!

A plea to the Mothas-

Check out this site pronto. It's called MomsRising and it's all that! Usually when I come across stuff like this I immediately mumble something cruel to myself like, "Why don't you get off your butt and do something this important Tracey?". But once I snap out of my self-loathing routine, I know that what these sites and the women with the guts, the strength, and the moxie to drive them really do is inspire me. With resources like this at the click of a mouse, we can more readily get involved and make a difference in the issues that really count. Bravo MomsRising!

And while you're there be sure to read my piece called Potty Break featured in this month's Neighborhood stories.

As if it's not enough that the most frequently used word in my vocabulary is "blog" these days, I've had to drag my family along. I really should get a life.

Last night we went to eat at a local Sushi Bar. Iris (a mere 2) pours a handful of etamames (sp?) into her mini-bowl, tears open her chopsticks, positions them in her hand like she knows what she's doing, and starts chowing down these wet, slippery little soy beans USING HER CHOPSTICKS! No kidding. No guidance, no instruction, she just instinctually uses two sticks as eating utensils. Just like that. I was freaking out, of course, and whipped out me camera, of course, and started shooting pictures of my baby genius demonstrating her latest talent.

I caused a spectacle, of course, and in the midst of all the excitement, Julia (8) blurted out, "Mom, you can blog about this!" in one of her many lightbulb moments.

I don't know about you, but I think I've found myself a muse.

I'm IT! I'm IT! I have been tagged and I am IT IT IT! I feel all warm and mushy and so very loved by the blogosphere right now. Kay, so what I understand is that someone out there (namely sweatpantsmom) wants to know 6 interesting and/or strange things about me. Can you believe it? I'm giddy, like I'm getting ready for a first date or something. I know, enough already. Anyway, this thing I've been tagged to do is called a "meme" and truth be told, I have NO IDEA what it means or where it comes from but everyone's doin' it so who cares!
Here goes-

1. I have traveled across country in a VW bus TWICE. Once when I was 5 with my hippy parents and once when I was 23 with my hippy girlfriends. I can't remember much of the first go round but the second...TIME OF MY LIFE!

2. I cannot imagine having to live a day without strong coffee and my slippers.

3. I can eat my weight in M&Ms, peanut or plain (I'm not picky). I eat Ice Cream every night. Yes, I'm eating some now, so? Oh, and while we're talking vices, I'll add semi-sweet chocolate chips by-the-bagful to my list.

4. My grandfather is famous. He's a legendary Hot Rodder and has a big, beautiful coffee table book written about him and the whole bit. And he's alive and well enough to be basking in his fame. It's awesome to see. Just google him man, he's all over the place. Yes, he did play "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" on his Fender Stratocaster at a recent gala they held in his honor. The guys like 80 something. One things for sure, I got good genes on my side.

5. I love the Grateful Dead and will forever be a proud and faithful Dead Head. Enough said.

6. I use Lansinoh on my lips. Not to mention any cut or scrape or abrasion on myself or any other member of my family. Yes, I said Lansinoh, as in the best thing that ever happened to a nursing mother's chapped, cracked nipples. Secrets out.

There you have it. So now I get to tag people. Boy, this is cool. Um, well, most of the people that I know are reading this don't even blog (CHICKENS!) and to top that, they don't even bother registering so they can comment on my blog, thank so much. Sheesh. You so know who you are! I'll start by tagging my oldest and dearest friend (who is the crazy kid who got me into this thing in the first place) Claddyjack, and the sweet Noelle, and Amy who is all up in her livejournal world and Tante Myriam who is poised and ready to begin blogging but hasn't yet, and lastly Kirsten who is talking about diving in but won't and this my dear is your chance to go for it!!!!! Oh, and Kerri-Lynne, if I thought you read this, I'd tag you too but I don't think you do. Humph.
And I almost forgot Elisa at the new Momready blog. Yes, it's the same place Kristen is trying to score her i pod shuffle from. TAG!!!! (oops, that's more than 6-shucks)

Well, OK, that was fun.

Happy Easter.

Taxes done? Check.
Refund coming? Check. Check.
Exhausted? Most certainly. But, I will go on record to say that although I may be tired I am rested, if that makes any sense. I've had some girl time....sans kids. Which in my book is the best kind when you're talkin' a massive house in Palm Springs with 11 girlfriends, food enough to feed most of the free world and enough alcohol to fill the jacuzzi (no, we didn't get that crazy). Did I mention sunshine? Yep. A day at the La Quinta Resort with a hot friggin' rock massage to die for? Oh yes. A dance-off with the regulars the Arnold Palmer Bar where the average age is 65 and the skin is bronzed and baggy? You betcha. That last bit was right out of a SNL skit. These ladies were LITERALLY elbowing us off the dance floor. I wouldn't have believed it either if I hadn't witnessed it first hand. I've got the bruises to prove it. Did I take pictures and are they incriminating? Of course. BUUUUT, I'm afraid I'd be breaching the whole "what happens in _____ stays in ______ " thing. Plus, I REEEEEALLY want to be invited back so I'd best not be sharing.

Here's a little something just to show the intensity of the relaxation that was going on over the weekend. This was the view from the back patio where we enjoyed our cocktails. I guess I don't even have to say that I could get used to that kind of living.

Welp, I'm knee deep in paperwork of the IRS kind (yes, I am one of those tax procrastinators, but to my credit, I've never filed an extension-so there!) . Today I offer a hilarious link to a fantabulous post by the lovely, the talented, sweatpantsmom. Since I know for a fact that many of you, my faithful supporters, aren't super-bloggers (YET) I thought this post about the joy of the link would not only be entertaining but educational as well. Hers is the kind of creative blog writing I aspire to. Have fun clicking around!

I just got home from a wonderful morning of mommy camaraderie. Today's gathering at bookstore Once Upon a Story was a well needed breath of fresh air. A lovely space to be among other mothers, chatting about mom stuff, sipping coffee (and good coffee at that), snacking on scones-to-die-for (they were glazed or something heavenly like that) and just being in each other's good company. A change of scenery and a topic to discuss was a perfect way to spend a Wednesday morning.
Photographer/mom of twins/Montessori teacher(pre-twins) Stephanie Pullman shared some thoughts on ways to nurture our children's independence by encouraging them to "help" in daily tasks, specifically at mealtime. The message was simple and her ideas felt very doable. I like doable. Doable is good. It's amazing how hearing constructive tips from other mothers can open our eyes to some new strategies for daily living. What's more amazing is how much a little dose of 'moms meeting moms' time can leave us with such renewed energy.
One of the things that I really took to heart today is the idea that we call have the choice to wake up each day, take a deep breath and say, "today, I'm going to be a better of a mother than I was yesterday." It was just something Stephanie touched on and it's ringing in my ears. With children, there will always be days that feel like a race to the bed-time finish line...like we're sure we've been robbed of our last shred of sanity...like we'll never get out of this motherhood purgatory alive. For me, the mere reminder that I can at least begin each day with hope, love, patience, and the possibility that I can be the best mom I can be is good enough. Still buzzing from my morning, I'm embracing that. Or maybe it's just a glazed scone sugar high. Hm.

I have found myself eager to post something, anything almost everyday now but, as one can easily see, I am not able to execute. SO, I have come up with a new blog that will be compiled of mostly images. I have years and years worth of photographs that I have taken and I would love to share them. This new photo-blog (if you will-and I will) should make it easier for me to offer a little something everyday. That's the plan anyway.

Without further adieu, here it is, the way I see it.

I love the world of celebrity high jinks as much as the next guy. Trash mags and E Entertainment aren't below me. I keep up with the Bennifers and Brangelinas. I won't deny it. However, up until recently I haven't given much thought to Tom and Katie. Sure they're strange, big whoop. But a few days ago I heard about this "Vow of Silence" they have taken in regards to the birth of their soon-coming child. And now, I am officially FREAKED.

Any woman who has birthed a baby knows the deal. There is no controlling yourself, especially the primal screaming that goes hand in hand with pushing a 10 pounder out of our body through a pretty small hold. If there were an option to experience no pain, no stress, and no noise during birth, we'd do it. Duh.

Katie, you, my dear are in for the rudest awakening of your life.

I was inspired and highly amused with something I saw at Cool Mom Picks. It seems I'm not alone in my concern. Check out these Tees. PRICELESS.

Out of all this, I only hope for one thing, that after Katie gives birth, her Tom and L. Ron illusions are smashed to bits and she has the courage of Brooke Shields to blow the lid off this crap and tell it like it REALLY is. Come on Katie, you can do it.

SHOUT IT OUT!

I'm thinking, since it's almost one in the morning, I have no business posting anything right now. I've had a lot to say and no time to say it (such is life as a mom) but to leave my darling blog postless for days on end, it just doesn't feel right.


















So, I choose to leave you with this- a glimpse into my life's joy. Two impossibly amazing girls. And as I drift to sleep, there will be only gratitude.

Repeat after me (I think)...

There are days when I, like most of us, feel like a failure of a mother. Self defeating thoughts swirl around my head; I yell too much, let my kids fill up on "snacks", leave the TV on for one show too many, let my daughter walk through Target barefoot, cuss you know, that kind of stuff. And it always seems that our children like to parrot our behaviors back to us. Monkey see, monkey do is nothing new but it doesn't make it any less scary when it happens to you. When your child begins to acquire language, look out! I've heard all the profanities I've used spit right back at me since my daughter could talk. And she so loves to test out her new vocabulary when we're in public. Once at the photo lab, she looked straight in the eye of the 20-something at the register and said with gusto, "JEEESUS KWIIIEST". The girl stared back in horror (I can only hope she was more shocked than deeply offended by a toddler 'taking the lords name in vain') and I said without skipping a beat, "That's all me. Guess it's time to clean up my act?"

But on better days when I'm not PMSing, my girls are dreamy, and all is right with the world, hearing a little echo of my best mothering moments can stop me in my tracks and instantly remind me that I am a pretty good mom. On more mornings than not my youngest beckons me to her crib and greets me with, "Good morning Mom. It's a lovely day." I do say that, don't I? Be still my heart. When we were enjoying a picnic on our front lawn she looked up and said, "It's a perfect day for a picnic, isn't it?". I got weepy. And when we were driving home from a morning at the Aquarium, she said from the backseat, "I had a really nice time. That was a fun day." Aaaah. Those kinds of moments, when I see my kids being sincere and polite and above all expressing true gratitude for the simple things, I know that I'm doing something right.

I love to hear my daughters mimic one another, use expressions I use, communicate like their father, treat others with kindness, show compassion, and offer respect. I am blown away at what incredible people they are becoming and how somehow I have had a large part in that. It's a really reassuring feeling. Of course you know you must take the good with the bad. I mean, what kind of kid walks up to her mother (who has been on the computer way too long) and blurts out, "You're not my friend anymore Mom"? One with an older sister who has used that line on her a number of times. Monkey see monkey do.

Oh, how I love my monkeys.

"Mommy, what's a blog?"

This one goes out to my bewildered family and friends who are certain that this time, I have gone off the deep end. Let me being by stating that although blogging can be called many things, a cult is not one of them. If any of you bloggers are reading this and beg to differ, please post a comment and share with the viewers at home.

Now, back to the issue at hand, explaining to you all what a blog is. Since I have no smart and clever way of answering that question, and because I really still barely know myself, I am lifting an actual blogger's profile to do the splainin' for me. Ready? Here are the words of wisdom that sweatpants mom posted at her blog;

'So, this being my first blog, I asked someone what a blog was, anyway. He said it was a personal web page for vain people who mistakenly think that everybody on the planet gives a rats-ass about their business. And I’m all “Sign me up!”. '

Yep. Go ahead and start the line behind me. You know you want to.

There's a fantastic write up on my books on the Cool Mom Picks blog today. YAY!

A big sloppy kiss to Kristen for the rave review!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Where a kid can be a kid and a mom can get a beer.

Pictured here (from left to right) Chuck, Iris, my beer (see it there-near the steering wheel?) and myself in the Chuck E. Mobile. My oldest daughter (not pictured) was busy racking up tickets to get her choice of a top-of-the-line plastic prize.

We had a family friend down to visit for the weekend and while he and my husband were sipping Cabernet at a chic LA art opening, my daughters and I got our game on at the local Chuck E. Cheese’s. Where else can you go out in public and drink while your kids run crazy? That’s how my weekend began. And it ended with an early Sunday morning birthday romp at Pump It Up- Where a kid can jump around on gigantic jumpy things and a mom can too. Why the hell not? Thank God for pizza (again).

Always something exciting going on here! I can hardly wait to see what the week ahead holds! Here’s a hint…Monday Skate Night. Ooooooo. Aaaahhh.

Me & Tea

It just seems fitting.

Set design and photography by my daughter Iris.

TEAdium Time

What could be sweeter than the image of a mother and her daughter sitting down to tea? Nothing. Especially when the daughter is mine and she's adorably two, chatty and charming. The tea set is tiny and the tea is really apple juice while the accompanying snack is a little bowl of popcorn. Come on. It's too cute.

Now, what could be more tedious than a mother and her daughter sitting down for tea everyday, sometimes 2 times a day, sometimes 4? Nothing. Especially when the daughter is my cranky, demanding two-year-old. The tea set is tiny and therefore tips easily and is fumbled often while the snacks are teddy grahams or goldfish (again) that end up smashed to crumbs under the micro tea table I uncomfortably wedge my knees under, and end up all over the rest of the family room floor as well. Come on. Enough is enough.

Motherhood can be the crown of the most tedious state of being. And this is what continues to be really difficult for me. The monotony, the dullness, the routine, the tiresome tasks that never seem to end because if and when they do, they turn right around and beg to be redone, rewashed, re-cleaned, re-cooked, re-dressed...you get the point. I spoke to a mommy friend today and she confirmed that "on some days you can sit and enjoy the tedium and become one with it and on other days you just gotta get the hell out of the house." Can I get an Amen?

Well, I have not fled from my house today and have been contemplating Mother Tedium; recognizing her presence in my life, acknowledging her, and doing my damnedest to embrace her. Although with a definition like "the quality or state of being wearisome" well, let's just say she's not that easy of an old gal to appreciate.

I am reminded of The Guest House by Rumi.

"This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond."

I'm not sure I've ever really invited Tedium in (I'm pretty sure I haven't), but she's come anyway. Perhaps if she felt a little more welcomed, she wouldn't be so hard to live with.

Rest assured, the next time my daughter and I sit down to tea, I'll be setting the table for three.

Houston, we've got weather.

(I know, I know, big deal. I just wanted an excuse to take a picture of these rain boots.)

OK, so what I’ve realized is that getting my very own blog site definitely hasn’t made me a blogger. Damn. I was so hoping it would be that easy. And I was all hyped up about limiting myself to once a week. And here I am, weeks later, postless. There are a million reasons why I haven’t written but I do have an excuse du jour. My “used to be a great sleeper” 2-year-old has pulled a 180 and is playing the “Hey Mom, Let’s Pretend I’m a Newborn Again” game and has been up several times a night over the last month yelling out to me to rub her back or cover her up or wanting to watch a show at 4:45 in the morning. It’s just not right. And now after an extended period of time with sleep deprivation, I’m not right. I’m all wrong as a matter of fact. I feel it’s legit.

Next time I’m sure I’ll have a different excuse but I can guarantee you whatever it is, I’ll be blaming it on Motherhood in one way or another. It’s only my third post and I’m showing all my cards people- here goes- I am a mother of two incredibly amazing daughters who on a regular basis has a hell of a time being the mother of two incredibly amazing daughters.

I’m sure many mothers out there know exactly what that means and can commiserate. And for that I am grateful. Over the last few weeks I have been totally enraptured by some of the mommy bloggers I have come across. I am inspired beyond words and giddy and thankful and relieved and amazed at the honesty, humor, and gravity of all that is being written and shared. It is utterly mind-blowing. I have loved every minute of discovering this new world, this oddly comforting virtual support system. How much more surreal can that be?

So now my goal is to learn how to better use the tools of this blasted site and get links to these incredibly courageous women listed on my little blogspot. And, alright, maybe a few hundred pictures of my unbearably gorgeous girls. Did I mention they are smart and witty and charming too? My 8-year-old wants to be a scientist and my non-sleeping toddler pointed to Dora in a doctor uniform tonight and stated she wants to be"that".
Beauty and brains. Gotta love it.

My throw up hurts.

It's Friday night and the house is quiet. Daughter #1 is away at cowgirl camp, daughter #2 is asleep, no stirring, no wait, asleep, and husband #1 has probably just cracked beer #2 while enjoying his weekly golf night with the boys. No, there is no husband #2.

I'm usually content with having the house to myself on Friday night but not tonight. Some of my favorite kidless friends are out having drinks at a beach front candlelit bar, relaxing on rattan couches, sucking down lemon drops and talking about, without a doubt, all things grown-up and cool. Damn. Let's just say tonight I'm a little over being held hostage by a snoring two-year-old.

I had debated all week about what I would post tonight, declaring Fridays as my new blog writing night, as thoughts and topics raced through my mom-brain at warp speed. I had it all planned out. You know, like when people are convinced that they are going to have 3 or 4 kids before they even try one on for size. Talk about confident (and clueless). It looks like tonight the message isn't going be much more than "cranky happens". And it happens to me a lot, especially when I'm over-tired, hormonally heightened and deprived of a life beyond domestics.

So, I guess I'll go sip some tea now because "my throw up hurts" too (which is toddler talk for "my throat hurts") and which by the way had to be translated by a mommy friend of mine because when my daughter kept repeating it, I had no idea what she meant. So much for speaking my child's language. Sheesh.

Terrified, stupefied, horrified, I have crossed into the world of the blog. What's with all the theatrics you might wonder? Well, maybe I'm not alone (or maybe I am) but up until now, I have lacked the energy and the courage to take the blog plunge. So, why now? Hmmm. I guess it's just finally time. So, here I am putting myself, and even my *@#! picture out there.

I need a drink.

Better yet, I need to put myself to bed.